Second Chances
by Acidbuk
Summary: She worshipped her form afar, she was kind, strong, beautiful and never made mistakes, she was also so far out of her league it wasn't even funny but Tara Shepard was never one to do anything by halves.  FemShep/Ash


**Summary**: She worshipped her form afar, she was kind, strong, beautiful and never made mistakes, she was also so far out of her league it wasn't even funny but Tara Shepard was never one to do anything by halves.

**Pairing**: FemShep/Ash One-Shot

**Baiting**: PG-13 – Light suggestive themes

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Mass Effect, etc. don't sue me.

**Second Chances**

Tara Shepard moved through the streets of the citadel, the gilded neon of Zakara Ward staring down on her with unblinking eyes, the wails of C-Sec Patrol car sirens in the distance. Zakara was a strange place to be or a human or any one else, a mixtures of electronic giants, mega-corps, bohemian boutiques, trinket shops, bars and restaurants as well as the odd night-club or two including several Gentlemen's clubs. It wasn't too dissimilar from any major city on earth in many ways, on the surface it was all glitter but look beyond the surface and you found a murky, seedy underbelly just like any-where else.

Shepard turned into an ally, striding with purpose steam vented from below ground heating and kitchens of the nearby establishments wafting around in thick grey clouds while the smell of Ramen assaulted her, Shepard smiled she would have to pick some up later for Kasumi before she returned to the Normandy. Turning several corners, past a large Turian and two of his friends who was extorting credits from a Volus, it was not her job to interfere, she was armed of course but she had enough trouble and tonight was not about trouble.

She came to a stop in front of a non-descriptive black steel door, the neon sign overhead read 'The Recently Departed' in green with a red skull above it. She chuckled it was oddly appropriate, she pushed the heavy door open, its hinges creaked at the intrusion and closed it behind her with a clunk. Pushing past a second inner wooden door, with brass door handles she stepped into the bar; it was a dive bar that reminded her of earth, solid wooden and brass furnishings with red carpets and the air stank of stale cigar smoke and alcohol, several patrons nursing their drinks and broken dreams, she knew the desires of ghosts intimately, they hungered for her.

Shepard moved to the bar, a solid wood that she guessed was oak from its colour, with a Volus behind it, pouring a drink for another customer, Shepard nodded and waved her hand to get his attention. He returned the gesture as he finished pouring the Turian his drink and came over to her.

"What can I do you for Earth-Clan?", he rasped out.

"You do human drinks?", Shepard asked.

He nodded.

"Right, I'll take a scotch, no ice"

"Not much call for that", he rasped out as he reached under the bar and took out a square bottle filled with a brown liquid; "Expensive"

"I'm good for it", Shepard replied, running her credit-chit over the scanner, it beeped as if to confirm her unlimited credit; finally something Cerberus was good for.

"So I see", the Volus replied; pouring the drink into a glass and leaving the bottle; "Caspar" he added.

"Tara", Shepard stated offering her hand, as he shook it. She chugged the brown liquid and let out a satisfied gurgle as it burnt its way down, before pouring herself another, She thought about Kaidan, she thought about Presley, about Normandy,Adams, Pakti, Chase, Dubyanski...twenty, _twenty_ crew all dead, they were all dead, all of them because of her, how many more would have to die before this ended, how many more would she have to sacrifice. Her thoughts again drew to Ashley, it always ended up about Ashley and their meeting on _Horizon_. She took another long gulp enjoying it, enjoying the burning feeling that reminded her she was alive before looking down at the glass, and the strangely empty feeling that came with it. This was not the path she had chosen, it had chosen her, it had taken her, it had moulded her, broken her and even killed her at least once. She wondered if her parents were proud of her, the brass had offered her mother an Admirals star, which she had tuned down, she wondered if her parents even knew if their daughter was alive, she had made no attempt to contact them, had no words to give them.

"Shit happens", Caspar the barman rasped out, looking at his new customer and her glum look.

"It just tends to happen to me", Shepard replied as she poured herself another drink forsaking convocation for more hard-alcohol, he never asked and she didn't tell, she liked that about the Volus, they were a practical people. Caspar laughed, or at least what passed for a laugh. Someone sat down next to her, and patted her on the back, just below her neck making her look over, she remembered that touch, would know it anywhere, the gentle delicate fingers, that were smooth skinned and soft, far to soft for the deadly profession she had taken up, she didn't even need to look up.

"Ash", Shepard said with a smile. Sat next to her was now _Master __Chief_ Ashley Williams, hair set in a tight bun, exposing that lovely neck which was generously on show in her black T-shirt and denim jacket.

"Skipper", Ashley said looking over at the bottle of scotch and grabbing a second glass to pour one for herself; "Starting with out me?"

"Just a little", Shepard replied and couldn't help the smile that crept up on her as she watched the other woman sniff the scotch before gulping it down. Shepard wasn't sure that Ashley would even show up; after their last meeting on Horizon, the two had exchanged emails and Shepard trying to explain her actions at best she could, as well as her two year absence, It had gone badly and the encounter had left both of them confused, both felt like a pillar of their lives had been pulled out from under them _damn __Cerberus, __damn __the __illusive __man, __damn __them __all, __why __didn't __they __just __let __me __die __with __honour.._

Ashley turned so that her back was resting against the bar and she could look over the establishment they had somehow both agreed to meet; it was certainly an odd place but endearing she had to admit. _Kaidan__ would __have __loved __this __place, _she thought frequently about her friend; Kaidan Alenko had died on Virmire, Shepard had made the choice, to save her, she frequently for years questioned that choice, Kaidan was her superior as a person and as as a soldier, he was an officer, he was an up and comer, he was going places, she was a grunt, a _Williams_, for a long time she resented Shepard for not giving her the chance to ride that nuke down.

"Shepard", Ashley says.

"Tara", Shepard corrects with a smile; "we're off duty, your not under my command any more Ash, and we're at least three drinks past rank and surname", she chuckled; " and last time I checked, we're _friends_, So just call me Tara", there was a time she hoped for more than that, now that time seemed like a life time ago, the point of no return seemed so far back she couldn't remember what it had looked like when she passed it.

Ashley nodded and smiled, it lit up her eyes and even the room seemed a little brighter to Shepard; "Tara, you and Kaidan were close right?", Ashley said, it had been over 2 years since his death, she hoped she wasn't pressing too much by asking but the rumours Shepard had scarified her own lover to bail her out had plagued her since, the hushed whispers behind her back of voices that would never say something like that to her face, Ashley herself doubted Shepard could be that cold but she had to know, had to ask, to be certain.

"We were friends, good friends even", Shepard replied; "why?"

"but only friends?", Ashley asked.

"We weren't lovers", Shepard answered; "he was interested, we talked about it but it would have been unfair to him"

"Why?", Ashley asked pouring another two drinks.

"Because", Shepard said pausing only to chug down her shot and steady her nerves, talking about Kaidan was hard, talking about _this_ subject was something all together different; "my heart already belonged to someone else, I wouldn't do that to him...to make him a runner up"

"Oh", Ashley said; "So who were you interested in?"

Shepard laughed; "It doesn't matter"

"Oh it does!", Ashley said with a smirk; sensing the opportunity to lighten the mood between the two soldiers who were doing a good job so far of feeling sorry for themselves on what was supposed to be a happy occasion; "Come on; was it someone on the Normandy?"

Shepard remained silent staring into the empty glass.

"Oh it was, wasn't it". Ashley said, smelling blood in the water and homing in on it like a hunter; "was it Anderson?", Ashley said easing herself in as Shepard took another gulp and promptly choked on her drink with a splutter.

"No!", she replied with an indignant stare after several coughs; "I like Anderson, he's a good guy but I'm not interested in him like _that_"

"is it Joker?", Ashley said; "Garrus? Do you have a thing for turians? Is it Wrex? I hear Krogan have _four_ testicles", Ashley rattled off a list and watched her former commanders face continually switch between irritation and amusement at her suggestions. Ashley couldn't help but be amused by her friends suffering; eventually Shepard sighed in frustration; "No, none of them; its not even a _man__ for __crying __out __loud_"

"Oh", Ashley said looking confused; "OH" she said realisation dawning on her; "you're into..._oh_", Ashley said with a chuckle; "So its our dear Liara? Into blue are we? Tali? You like a girl with a large _helmet_" Ashley asked; "Oh that went somewhere very wrong"

Shepard laughed hard, until tears streamed down her cheeks, it felt like the first time she had laughed in months, it wasn't she could remember a handful of times that she had but not like this. "The Asari are _interesting_", Shepard says; "but it doesn't matter anyway, I don't think that this person is _into_ women, and even _if_ she was I doubt she would want me"

"How can anyone not be attracted to _you_, I mean you're _gorgeous_", Ashley countered.

"Heh", Shepard said evasively; "and your _beautiful_", She said, the words coming out before she could stop them; that was definitely the hard alcohol talking, a feeling of dread building in the pit of her stomach as she looked over at the woman sat opposite her, to her surprise Ashley smiled though rather than telling her she was silly and deluded, Ashley did not consider herself beautiful, strong, certainly, sassy maybe, even pushing it as far to say sexy but _not_ beautiful, that word was reserved for people who were far prettier and ladylike than she ever could be.

"I'm really not" Ashley said.

"Yes you are", Shepard replied; as she reached over and pulled Ashley's hair out from the tight bun she kept it in; her normally dexterous fingers slightly impaired by the effects of the scotch, leaning in close enough that her breath was on Ashley's neck as she tried to work the clasp; oh how she wanted to kiss that neck, she crushed the thought as she pulled the other woman's hair down, letting the slightly wavy black locks flow down to her shoulders, framing her face as she turned to Shepard.

"Like so", Shepard said with a smile as she played with an errant curl.

"So this woman what was she like?" Ashley asked, if she minded Shepard playing with her hair she never said; "To draw you in she must be something pretty special"

"She is", Shepard replied with a chuckle.

"Do you think I would like her?", Ashley asked. Causing Shepard to laugh out loud; "What?"

"Yeah I think you would", She answered finally.

"Can I ask you something?", Ashley said.

"Haven't you already?" Shepard replied.

"Something personal" Ashley amended,

"Again you already have", Shepard chuckled.

"Stop teasing me", Ashley stated .

"But its so much fun!" Shepard replied with a laugh, she couldn't remember the last time she felt alive like this; "Besides, turn around is fair play Ash"

"Right", Ashley said mockingly; Shepard was still playing with her hair, and for the first time she could see the affection in her former commanders eyes, or maybe it was just Shepard letting her guard down to _let_ her see it or the scotch was dulling her enough she didn't realise, she couldn't tell. Shepard was biting her lower lip the way she always does when she is pensive or thinking, Ashley had noted it before but right now it was the most attractive thing in the world drawing her in like a beacon

"Tara", Ashley said her voice drawn out and hushed like a whisper.

"Yeah", Shepard replied.

History, nor its participants would recall which one of them made the first move, but before they knew it, they were kissing with a deep, frenzied urgency, Shepard's arms wrapped around Ash's neck, while her own hands were draped around the other woman's waist the kiss simmering down into small tender lingering movements before stoking back up from the embers back into passion once more. After what felt like years; they finally broke the kiss, but kept the contact, Shepard moving her hand to move the errant hair behind Ash's ear.

"I'm sorry..." Ash stated;

"Don't apologise", Shepard stated; "I've wanted that for a very long time"

Ashley rubbed the back of her neck nervously.

"So...I guess that answers that", Ash said with an embarrassed chuckle; "So do you want to come back to my apartment?"

"Yes", Tara said, no hesitation.

**(0 0 0 0 )**

The two Alliance soldiers lay side by side, Ash with one arm draped over Tara; who was laying on her back with a smile on her face a mile wide. Shepard gently stroking Ash's arm with her fingernails. The room was furnished, and larger than she expected with modern additions and gadgets including an adjoining bathroom along with a big bay window that looked out over the ward, the neon coated spires reaching out into the sky like the bones of the world.

"That tickles", Ashley replied with a giggle that surprised herself.

"Good", Shepard replied.

"Tara, what does this mean...?", Ashley asked turning serious looking up at her lover, still resting her head on Shepard breast.

"Well, I think we might have to try that a few more times to figure that out...", Shepard answered off hand.

"Shush you", Ash said jokingly;

"You were right, before on Horizon, I was too emotional...I was angry", Ashley stated, Shepard knew that this was coming, it only surprised her it had taken this long. "But I have to know Shepard, How can you even think of working for them after what they've done, what you have _seen_ them do"

"Its not black and white Ash, I wish it was, the way that its built none of the cells know what the others are doing and The Illusive man is all to happy to call it Alliance propaganda when something does come out and no one knows any different to call him on it", Shepard said looking away; "I don't like them, but like I said before right now they are the only ones taking this threat seriously"

"The Illusive man?", Ashley asked,

"As far as I can tell, the guy who _runs_ Cerberus, if we ever want to take down the organisation for good...he is the one that we have to go after", Shepard stated turning to look back at her lover.

"Do you trust them?", Ashley asked.

"I don't trust the organisation as a whole, I certainly don't trust _The__ Illusive __Man_", Shepard stated; "I trust my _crew_, their good people who were doing the wrong thing for the right reasons, I've had to earn their loyalty, and they have earned mine", she paused; "I have no intention of being a puppet for Cerberus, right now, they have resources that we need to fight the Reapers, I'm using them as much as they are using me", Shepard stated. "I just have to keep telling myself that I'm doing the right thing...that this is worth it"

"Do you believe it yet?", Ashley asked.

"No", Shepard said honestly, "Too many have died for this, but if we do nothing, if we just wait until the reapers come...", she paused and closed her eyes for a moment; "I won't let their sacrifice be for nothing, I won't sit by while the council tries to brush this whole thing under the table"

"Then believe me Tara, believe _in_ me, You're doing the right thing, for the _right_ reasons", Ashley said kissing her lover; "Oh Captain, _my_ Captain"

"I'm not your captain any more Ash", Shepard said, kissing the other woman on the bridge of her nose.

"You will always be my captain", Ashley replied; "As a Williams I've always had to work twice as hard, do the job twice as well to get here for a long time I didn't feel like I was worth what I was fighting for, you took a raw Gunny with a bad attitude and" she paused smiled and continued."..you make me feel good enough", she added before stretching and rolling onto onto her side to prop herself up on her elbow. "So after it took us so long to get here, you better come back I won't lose you twice"

"I-I'm glad that we had this, this moment", Shepard said smiling, she couldn't make that promise, she knew better than anyone the risk that none of them were coming back alive, it was all but a suicide mission

"Hey they killed you once, and all it did was piss you off", Ashley said off hand, Shepard laughed. "I can't imagine what will happen this time"

"Garrus said the same thing", Shepard replied glad to lighten the mood again.

"You'll lead them through this and then you _will_ come back to me I believe this, I believe in _you_", Ashley said as Shepard wrapped her arms around her, "You know there are a dozen regulations against this", Ashley added.

"At least", Shepard agreed as she kissed up Ashley's jaw to nibble on an ear.

"We can get in a lot of trouble", Ashley added as Shepard ran her teeth over the earlobe

"I know", Shepard agreed, nibbling.

"Its a bad idea", Ashley said, turning into the affectionate gesture to steal a kiss

"Probably", She moved trailed her way back down until she reached the nape of Ashley's neck, a place she had just spent many hours placing heated little kisses on. "But, sometimes the best things come from our bad ideas", she said moving to finally kiss Ash properly, she was done with teasing..

"Now get here and give me twenty", Shepard said with a smirk.

"Make me", Ash smiled.

**( 0 0 0 0 )**

Shepard returned to the Normandy; she almost skipped through the air lock walking on air; even Jacob noticed her increased spirits, she felt _alive_ for the first time since her resurrection; she didn't feel like a poor copy, like she was trying to fill the boots of someone who had died. Even though the fate of the galaxy may rest on her shoulders, she know now, she wasn't alone, that even if she couldn't save everyone, even if the Reapers burned half of the galaxy, that as long as she could save one person, in the dark, not for glory, or honour or even because it had been thrust upon on her in large ominous spades, of all the gods and demi gods, if she believed in one thing, just _one_, she believed in _her_. for _Ashley_, for the _lost_, she believed that it was worth it.

Joker smiled at her; "Hey Shepard!" he greeted her as she entered the bridge checking in with him as she always did leaning over his console and resting her chin on his shoulder; "The Illusive man has been chomping at the bit; trying to get in contact with you but you've been off comms for nearly three days"

"Yeah, I needed some time to myself", that wasn't entirely true; she needed time, away certainly, but it wasn't to herself, she couldn't help the smile that crept up over her face, several members of the crew had come to her with requests for personal errands and she had made a point of fulfilling them, everyone should take time to set their affairs in order, if they were going to do this it should be with their eyes open and all their sins accounted for. "So what does _Timmy_ want?", she said the epithet she and Ash had taken to using when refereeing to The Illusive Man slipping out.

"Timmy?", Joker asked, than snickered to himself as he worked it out; "Oh I like that", he would definitely be using that one later; "Don't know what the big fuss is, _She-Bitch_ has been dealing with him; she did not look happy though, I swear that woman is a succubus"

"Right", Shepard nodded; "EDI Warm up the Projector and tell _Timmy_ I'll be along shortly"

"Affirmative Shepard", EDI replied her monotonic voice taking on what Shepard could say sounded almost like amusement at her creators knew nickname. Shepard chuckled to herself as she patted Joker gently on the shoulder; "Take us out from the citadel and put us on an exit-vector I'll be back with instructions from our overlord soon"

"Aye Shepard", He replied but she was already gone, striding down the neck of the ship to the CIC section where Miranda and Jacob were already stood waiting for her; Miranda with a stern expression on her face and her arms folded over her _flotation__ tanks_ as Kenneth Donnelly would put it.

"Miranda", Shepard said cutting off the inevitable tirade before she could talk; "I wanted to thank you for holding down the fort while I was out", she said honestly. Miranda blinked several times unsure how to accept the praise but the stern look disappeared replaced by a small smile.

"Its fine Shepard, I was just doing my job", she noted with a proud tone in her voice, praise from Shepard was hard to come by for anyone, for her especially given her views on Cerberus though, in fact she was sure the commander had called her the 'Cerberus Poster Girl' much to Jack's amusement.

"Well just letting you know that it is _appreciated_", Shepard said disappearing into the armoury on her way to the briefing room, having thoroughly deflated Miranda's anger with just two short comments. Jacob just laughed to himself, Shepard was definitely good at this, she would have to teach him how to do _that_ to Miranda the next time she burst into the armoury with a good mad on..

**A/N:** just a short little thing that kept going around in my head, hope you enjoyed it. hmm new problems for editor and uploader it seems it now dosn't like multiple words in italics without removing my spacing..grr. and it grabled the end of the story I had to re-do it in the editor after upload. I've been through the story twice to check but I might have missed some so answers on a post card please**  
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